I've been settling into a bit of a different routine these past few weeks. My christmas cards are printed and selling on my Etsy shop (thanks to all those who made some purchases!), and as I mentioned in my previous blog post, I've starting thinking about and preparing (read: worryingworryingworrying) for the Spring One of a Kind Show in March 2016. Most of my days have been spent planning, researching and giving myself lots of time to create and experiment.
Christmas season feels to be in full swing, and it's the time for lots of catch up lunches, coffees and dinners. And while it's actually been a bit of a challenge to manage my social calendar (yes, insert eye roll here), it's been really nice to get some balance to my otherwise holed up creative lifestyle.
Whenever I'm in this 'creating' stage, I often feel stumped in conversations about 'how things are going' or 'what I'm working on'. It's so hard to put into words... especially when this time for me is sodamnstressful. I could say "I'm utterly lost", "I've accomplished so much!", "I've accomplished nothing!"- they would all somehow apply!
I've addressed a similar difficulty in a previous post about getting out of my head and connecting with others. I've come to realize that my bigger struggle seems to be HOW I talk about my work. C has previously called me out on it; I have this tendency to primarily discuss all of the issues I'm facing with my new business, how much I'm working, how stressed out I am. Some of it comes from an earnest desire for advice from others, but most of the time, I think it's a weird sort of compensation..but for what?
The more I thought about it, the more I realised I've always done this, and it seems that so many others around me do it too! I can recall many conversations that hover around 'Work is so stressful, I'm working ALL the time,' and it made me think- Is everyone actually that unhappy? Or perhaps this is instead a form of social bonding, like saying "We're all in this together"? Seems like an awfully sad way to connect, and ofcourse not necessarily honest.
I read this interesting article about how modesty was embedded into this writer's life - and the way she portrayed herself was a direct result of this pressure/thinking. I wonder if something similar is embedded in my brain. Do I tend towards negativity for fear of appearing overly confident or pleased with my work? It's probably so heightened now that I'm putting my creative self out there!
How lame, to be such a rain on my own parade. If I noticed it in someone else, I know my response would be immediate, indignant and adamant. "Why are you putting yourself down?!"/ "Be proud of everything you're doing!"/ "You know, the results don't matter as much as the process"
But hey, awareness and acknowledgement is the first step to changing anything right? It's hard to talk positively about something that at times fills my mind with a plague of worry and doubt, but I'm making a honest effort to atleast be aware of it (and hopefully nip that negativity in the bud).
Happy Tuesday all!